365 Days In Colorado

When It’s Good To Give Up

I walked away from a family member I love deeply this past year. Because as much as I loved that person, I recognized that no matter what I did - she was always going to find fault with me. Always. And let there be no doubt - I wasn’t perfect by any means.

But after years and years of pure unadulterated drama, I realized that she simply didn’t like me. She loved me because I was family. But she didn’t like me. No matter what I did or didn’t do, our relationship was toxic. For both of us. And as I kept reflecting upon what someone told me in college - there are some people who will never be happy no matter what you do and you have to choose how much effort you want to put in that relationship. And I realized how much energy I had spent, how I cried nearly every time I drove to her house, how much her truly passive aggressive behavior had affected me over the years and how many times she had walked away from me. And this time I left. I walked away completely without an explanation. “We need to quit poisoning ourselves with vitriol.”

Some people just make you feel bad. The way you can wake up smelling like some half-rate casino and think to yourself I don’t want to do this anymore, you can feel that way about people, and the worst part is that you can’t extinguish them, you can’t smother their head into an ashtray or make them someone else’s problem.

It’s in our nature to not want to give up, especially not on people; fragile, harmless people – we all just mean well, don’t we? Don’t we all just want to be happy? Don’t the things we do to achieve that happiness, the things that tear us apart from one another – aren’t those the things that make us similar? Aren’t people inherently good? Maybe. But what does it matter if that goodness is not reserved for you? What if all you extract from a person is negativity? How do we justify allowing ourselves to feel badly because someone may or may not be redeemable?

We don’t always recognize when someone is bad for us, but sometimes we do. Sometimes we become all-consumed by the disgust that’s bred from this idea that we allow hate to affect us so deeply. People create art because of it. It can drive us; it can turn us into something we’re not. And even though it’s ugly, it’s addictive. We become addicted to toxicity.

And in that case, it’s good to give up. It’s good to fight against the cancer growing inside of us by neglecting to feed it. We have to starve it into submission, forgo the efforts that help it grow. The brooding and the anguish, bury it. Extinguish whatever it is that’s making us feel badly and worry about ourselves. We need to quit allowing something that’s decidedly negative to drive our actions, our moods. We need to quit poisoning ourselves with vitriol.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011/when-its-good-to-give-up/

Preparedness

In the newspaper industry there is a common practice for obituaries called “preparedness.” It’s the practice of writing an obituary in advance for prominent figures so newspapers are prepared to share the facts of their life immediately after they pass. Britney Spears, Barack Obama and (of course) Steve Jobs have prepared obituaries.

In real life there is no such thing as preparedness. Whether we know death is imminent or a complete surprise, there is nothing that can prepare you for the loss of someone you love. Even if you loved them only from afar.

While we don’t get preparedness, we do get reminders from time to time on just exactly how short life is and how meaningful we can make it for ourselves and others. I know If I look in the mirror tomorrow and ask myself if Thursday were the last day of my life, would I spend it the way my calendar has planned for me the answer would be a resounding no.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: “If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right.” It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

http://news.stanford.edu/news/2005/june15/jobs-061505.html

Steve, thank you for not listening to other people’s dogma and for inspiring so many people to do the same.